It’s the most wonderful time of the year. The time for hot cocoa, cozy holiday movies, and tinsel and twinkle lights on the Christmas tree.
But with all the jingle bells, holly, and snow (depending on where you live), it’s also one of the most stressful times of the year, especially for working moms. It’s the end of Q4 and, for a lot of people, the end of the fiscal year, where you’re balancing business budgets while juggling your personal budget to meet the demands of Christmas lists, neighborhood gifts, and charitable giving. Add to that the increased demands on our time with things like kids’ school concerts and family gatherings, and you might find yourself saying “bah humbug” instead of “ho, ho, ho.”
At a time when both our time and money need healthy boundaries and conscious budgeting, learning the art of saying “no” just might be a gift you can give yourself this holiday season. And it’s a gift that can keep on giving throughout the year.
Here are three tips on how you avoid holiday burnout this holiday season and learn the art of saying “no” gracefully without feeling like a Grinch:
1. Remember That Every Yes Is a No
“Saying no” guilt is something a lot of women have perfected. And it makes sense when culture or our families of origin may have taught us that saying no makes us selfish, difficult, or disappointing. But the truth is that time is like money: you only have so much on hand, so you’ve got to budget it wisely.
The truth is that you only have so much time in a day. Every time you say yes, you’re also saying no to something else. On the other hand, saying no to events frees up your time, energy, and bandwidth so you can be more present and more productive in the things you decide to say yes to.
When making the decision of how to spend your time, remember that saying yes and saying no are both neutral acts. It’s simply a choice of where you choose to place your time, focus, and attention.
Strategic no’s create space for meaningful yes’s that allow you show up engaged, energized, and genuinely present for the things you choose to prioritize this holiday season.
As you decide what events make the yes list, consider:
- It doesn’t make you a good person when you say yes to things that aren’t aligned for you
- Saying yes to everything makes you stressed, resentful, and overwhelmed, which isn’t really nice to you—or to anyone else
2. The ROI in Saying Yes
So how do you decide what to say yes to and what to say no to this holiday season?
One way is by looking at your time as an investment. We are often better and budgeting our dollars during the holidays than our time and energy, which may be a more precious commodity during more stressful times of the year.
Start treating your time as an investment portfolio. Before committing to any event or obligation, ask yourself, “What’s the return on this time investment?”
Contrary to popular belief, that’s not a selfish stance. And it doesn’t mean you only do things that are fun and exciting for you. Take, for example, elementary school holiday concerts.
Do I enjoy fighting for parking, sitting on a hard metal folding chair, only to find myself behind someone’s unusually tall uncle blocking my recording view of my kid? Absolutely not.
But watching my kid’s face light up when he spots me as I’m waving like a lunatic in the crowd? That’s worth every aggravating minute.
Conversely, let’s take that networking holiday party where you “should” make an appearance. The one that overlaps with your best friend’s ugly sweater gathering and falls the night before an important business call.
The cost in attending an event isn’t just the time spent there. It includes exhaustion that compounds when your time is more needed elsewhere. Sometimes the highest ROI move is staying home, going to bed early, and showing up at your best where it counts.
Weighing the return on investment can help determine what makes the yes list. Consider:
- What’s the total cost, including my time and energy, and what’s the total benefit?
- Am I choosing this because I genuinely want to, or because I feel I should?
3. Redefining “Mandatory”
Things we feel we “should” do but don’t really want to do are sometimes the best things to pass on. However, that’s easier said than done when events involve work or family. But even though our families or co-workers may feel we should do something or expect us to be somewhere doesn’t make everything an obligation.
In fact, very few things in life are actually mandatory. Rather, they are heavily weighted with expectation, tradition, and the fear of judgment.
Women shoulder the majority of the family burden for shopping and holiday celebrations. We tend to be the ones who make magic happen and feel responsible when we can’t be everywhere and do everything we’d really like to do.
But ask yourself: What happens if I don’t attend? Will someone actually be harmed? Will I lose my job?
Redefining mandatory means distinguishing between genuine obligations and social pressure. It means recognizing that disappointing someone isn’t the same as failing them. And it means accepting that you can’t control other people’s reactions, only your own boundaries.
Here are two questions to ask yourself when you’re defining what events are mandatory:
- What are the consequences if I don’t attend?
- Is my going in the highest good for all involved, including myself?
Not every invitation requires your presence, even if someone wants you to be there. Learning to distinguish between genuine obligations and perceived obligations can free up time and energy for what truly matters.
The Gift of Presence
The holidays are a wonderful time for connection. It’s a time of giving to our families and our communities. But giving to the point of depletion isn’t a gift to anyone.
Learning the art of saying no can help you manage your physical, emotional, and financial resources so you can truly give the greatest gift of all this holiday season: the gift of your presence when you choose to say yes.
